Thoughts.....

Our thoughts. Some are bad and some are good. The way we think of things obviously has a direct correlation to what we do and how we do it. Things in my life have become more self evident and are slowly changing everything around me; from the people that I talk to, to the music I listen to, to the way I hold myself to even the confidentiality that I normally don't have. I'm slowly moving my life to the beautiful State of Maryland. It may not be too evident right now but soon it will be happening and when it does, its gonna be a giant leap and hopefully one for good. The main reason as to why I would be leaving Indiana State would be 1) Financial buckle 2) Interests elsewhere 3) Relationship 4) Family. Its hard having to go through all of this and having to make the unchangeable decision of gaining a new family, of having to work extremely hard to get to where I want with the person I want to get there with and many other reasons with further explanation. Life is rough right now and all I am asking for is guiding hope. Someone to guide me in the right direction. Soon, I'll be where I want to be. That soon is too far away. Almost everyone now-a-days wants everything right now. If they don't get it right away, they get upset and for some reason, I'm not feeling that right now and hopefully that will pay off soon. Waiting and being patient are two very important things right now that I'm going through. As I said, hopefully that will end up paying off.

Soon, I'll be where I want to be.

"Another Day Down, Brings Me Closer To You" - Anonymous

Soon.

Like to fly?

Have you ever wanted to fly like Peter Pan? I HAVE! I have always wanted to fly. I'm currently watching 'Peter Pan' and wishing I could fly right now. Oh what fun that would be. the things I would do to fly. What is something that YOU would love to do? A certain ability? A dream adventure? ... A dream ? Tell me about it... =)

I know some of my dreams are to fly, go outside of the nation, become a music instructor/teacher, be able to marry TJ, have children, but my biggest dream thats the most logical is to live happily. Its all in my power to do so but even with that sometimes it can be hard with your surroundings and the people that your with. For the most part i'm pretty happy though. Othern that, tell me what you think? Tell me what you have drempt of and accomplished or what you still dream of doing. I wanna know =)

Long day.

Short and simple blog because I completely spaced to blog today. My Wednesdays are as follows:
8AM: MUS 150 (Music Traditions)
9AM: Clarinet Lessons
10AM: PE 101 Lecture
11AM: ENG 105 (English)
12PM: Music Theory Skills
1PM: COMM 101 (Communications)
2PM: PE 101 Lab
3PM: Basketball Band
{sometimes}5PM - 10PM: Work

But yeah, thats my typical wWdnesdays. Not too hyper but just kind of busy sometimes. Today has been more full of homework, papers to write and speeches to give that I have just blocked out the whole fact of "ooo... I need to blog tonight"... lol... But for the most part, today was a good day. I was down about the first half of the day because I just wasn't having a good morning, I guess I just rolled over on the wrong side of the bed. But then the rest of the day after COMM got ALOT better. Today was the last day of weightlifting in PE and now we move to Walk/Jog and I'm ready for that one. Othern that, I'm heading off to bed, its alittle early but I wanna.

Hope you had a marvelous day and hope tomorrow will only get better.

Nighty night,
Trevor

Far Far Away...

With a long road ahead of me, I had plenty of time to think this afternoon. TJ was already off to see Britney Spears Live in concert in Baltimore, MD. Jessica and other friends at school were still underway with classes or was just getting out of them while I sat behind the steering wheel of my '94 Ford Explorer. I was on my way to Indianapolis to say farwell to a newly found dear friend. A friend I never though I would have ever met. Amy, one of my best friends and a mother like figure to me, asked a friend from Chicago to come down to Terre Haute to help ease her through her surgery. Kelsey, the new friend, has created lots of good, funny and memorable times here with us. It was sad today to see her go. I didn't think I would cry but I did. To add to the heartbreak, we had to drive both ways past the Indy airport which made things so much worse. TJ will be arriving at the airport in 16 days [that's the good part]. TJ will also be departing from that airport in 3 days later. Its hard to see someone you like/love go. When Amy saw Kelsey go, I couldn't help but to cry with her. She may not have noticed it, but there were tears. Long distance friends, relationships and families can be hard to cope with. But days go by and sooner or later we get to be with the ones we love.


Its times like this when tears roll down my cheek that I really take into consideration everything that I do have and everyone that is there for me. From just the simple things as helping me out on a homework assignment to helping me cope with my sexuality [Fall 2003], everyone who plays a role in my life gets that spotlight on stage. After seeing friends part today, it keep that inner feeling in me of the heartbreak that does have to come with anything you set your heart on, whether it be something physical or something pathological. We all experience it and today, I experienced the disappearance of someone truly fun, hilarious and always chipper... Kelsey. We'll see her again in time.

I'm sending my best wishes to Maryland right now where TJ should be having the time of his life. TJ is the best thing to happen to me in my life. I know most people hear this whole shpeal of love, happiness, marriage and everything and how their partner or lover at the current time is the best thing to ever happen to them, but I can honestly say, TJ IS the best person to come into my life. He has not only changed me for good but has also taught me some life lessons to live with. I'm hoping he's having a blast right now and I wish I could be over there with him.

I'm actually heading off to bed. Hope all is well and have a marvelous night sleep!

Nighty night,

Trevor

Easy Mac

UPDATE TIME: Today I woke up dreary. I woke up to another normal Monday where the birds are dead, the sun isn't looking at me and my roommate has just farted and groned at the same time. Luckily his farts dont really smell up the room but to see him roll over and smile, not open his eyes and grunt... you know whats coming next. Gosh, I need to shave. Well, on the farting note, othern that, Matt is a pretty good roommate. The main reason behind the Easy Mac is, Matt doesn't stop eating that stuff. I just had my first bowl about 30 mintues ago in forever ago.

OH... more update: TJ will be here on ISU's campus 17 days from today. I'm going to pick him up from his flight landing at 6:05PM and bringing him back here to campus to hang! He'll be here from Thursday night through Sunday afternoon. Hope everyone who wishes to meet him gets to do so.

For the gist of today, everything has slowly become better throughout the day. From just a low morning to a really happy afternoon and hopefully an even happier night. TJ is off to Britney Spears's "Circus" concert tomorrow in Baltimore. So, if you talk to him, send your sincere jealousy (in a good way that is)!

Any questions or comments, lemme know!

Trevor

Long Day Slowly Coming to an End

Today has been a long Sunday. From waking up at the butt crack of dawn to have breakfast at IHOP with a previous Drum Major here at school and a couple close friends, to tiny little disputes with someone close, its been kind of a long day. This will be a short little blog but I just wanted to post an update from yesterday. Yesterday just simply was awful. I know life can be rough some times but there are also times where I just need someone to listen and I feel almost as though this is one of those places for me to let people know how I feel. Normally, as I said yesterday, people don't listen to me when I listen to them. I listen to them whine, bitch and complain but then when I wish to whine, bitch and complain, they have better things to do than sit around and listen to me. This is all that I'm mainly trying to open up to; is letting people know what I feel. Don't feel afraid to comment on my blogs or anything either. I thank the people who do comment or wish to help me out.

"Your life lies before you like a path of driven snow, be careful how you tread it cause every step will show." - Lowri Williams

Things can be hard sometimes in life and lately i've just needed people to help me through it. Sorry for the whining and/or complaining, but I need to get it out somehow.

Thanks for listening though,

Trevor

Long time no talk to...

So,
I'm just saying now, if you don't like to hear people bitch, do not read this. k thanx

Its about time to start another blog and I just kind of want to vent alittle. There isn't really anyone to vent to because I feel bad to vent to people because I feel annoying. Well, that didn't sound high schoolish did it? So, I normally don't vent alot. Rarely am I the one to vent to others but when it comes to others wanting to vent, I'm their mom and I sit down and listen to every little problem that they have. Yes, this may seem like a "Whoawez Me" kinda thing going on but hell .. I'm sure you have one somewhere or want to make one sometime or have wanted to make one.

The main thing that I'm bitching about is that I REALLY want to just move and get away from this stink hole (Terre Haute) and move over to Maryland where I belong. Not only is it for the relationship with TJ that I have being the reason that I want to move over there but, when I was over there visiting TJ and his family for the first time over Thanksgiving Break, I fell madly in love with the surroundings. The city life, the hustle and bustle of everything brought me great joy and fun. I have always wanted to live how TJ is living and I have the opportunity, the only thing stopping me is money. You need money to drive over there. you need money to live in an apartment/house. You need money to live. I don't have any of that! There is something good that's gonna be happening soon. TJ will be right here on ISU's campus in 19 days. We both are more than ready for that day.

Things just kind of suck right now and I'm sure there are people who will more than likely comment on this saying "Oh shut up Trevor, suck it up!" Ok, well.. too bad for you that you read this then isn't it when I told you not to? You'll get over it! Another thing for me to bitch about is not getting ANY hours at work (Hollister). EVER! I also know that they don't normally give many hours at all but I am just sick of getting told "Your doing an awesome job Trevor, we should put you on every night" then me replying with "Yeah, you should... I'm available almost every night." and this happens. I think I'm gonna look for a dinner job or something as a server or something. I don't know yet. But oh well.

I just want to go 'home.' This isn't 'home.'

"Home is where the heart is and with absence from home makes the heart grow fonder" - An old English proverb

Thanks for listening a little bit. There's much much more that I could say but I wish not to bore you.

Trevor